Clary, it's me
by WannaBEWriter95
Summary: "I can't lose you again." "You won't"


"Clary, wake up." His voice floated over to me from the other side of the room. It was dark and I was trapped in a tangle of blankets that I had kicked during the night and it took me a moment to roll over and see him. His silhouette was obvious against the door but his face was hidden in the shadows. Something nagged at the back of my mind about to the away he was standing. He was hunched and stiff like he couldn't move from that spot.

"Clary." He whispered.

My eyes were beginning to slip closed again. It had taken hours to finally fall asleep and I wasn't happy enough with Jace to make an effort to stay awake.

"Clary please." His voice was enough to draw me out of sleep. He was suddenly much closer but I hadn't heard him move. "It's me Clary" My eyes finally found his face. I was fully awake now staring at him.

And it was him. It was my Jace.

Not the twisted version of whoever had taken over Jace.

The moonlight shinning through the window was just enough light to let me see his eyes.

He sank to his knees.

"Jace." I struggled to untangle myself from the blankets and reached for him. His blond hair was reflecting the light but he wouldn't meet my eyes. I stretched my arm out to touch him but he stopped me. Slowly, so slowly I thought time had slowed down he raised his head and looked at me.

His eyes were clear, and he was really looking at me. Not with the smug arrogant, Sebastian look he had adopted recently, but he was really looking at me. The kind, warm eyes that I connected with Jace.

The difference in him was so amazing that I couldn't stay away. I slammed into him throwing my arms around his neck. The force of it would have knocked any other person over but he simply knelt there and wrapped his arms around me. "Jace." I whispered and he tightened his arms around me. All I could do was keep holding onto him so he wouldn't slip away from me again.

Eventually, even though I couldn't tell how long it had been, I pulled away to look at him. He was reluctant and wouldn't me my eyes again.  
"I can't believe it's you." I mumbled. The tears I had been holding back spilled over. I grabbed for his hands and reached for him again. "It's really you."

He stopped me, and for one awful second I thought I had lost him again, but he reached a hand out and smoothed away to the tears on my face. He searched my eyes for something.

"I never thought you would hug me like that again." I wanted to wrap my arms around him and talk to him and kiss him and find out what was happening all at the same time, but I was frozen.

"How can you still love me after everything I've done?" His voice came out as a hoarse croak. He shook his head and looked away again. The side of his face was lit up with moonlight for a second and I saw a cut on his neck just bellow his ear. I distantly wondered why he hadn't healed it. "I don't deserve you Clary. I never have and I never will."  
I straightened up and looked down at him. "Jace Lightwood, don't… don't make me slap you." Confusion swept over his face while he looked up at me. He opened his mouth to say something but I wasn't about to let him tell me he wasn't worthy of being loved and how much we shouldn't be together. I pulled him toward me before he could protest and kissed him. I fell into him breathing in the scent of him. I kissed him quickly just to shut him up and pulled away. Our eyes locked for a minute before he drew me toward him again. This time we really kissed. It started slow but before I could stop and tell him we needed to talk his hands were twisted into my hair and my arms were wrapped around him. His lips were rough against mine and he groaned when I pressed against him. His hands slid to my waist and I waited for him to push me away but instead he pulled me closer. "I love you more than I can tell you," he breathed in between kisses. I put my hands in his hair. "I know." I bent down and kissed him just above the cut that was on him neck. He flinched but I don't think it was because of pain. He drew my face back up to his lips and kissed me. I moved so I was sitting, and he pulled me close so my legs were wrapped around his waist while he has still kneeling on the floor. He ran a hand down my back until he could slide it under my shirt. "Don't leave." I whispered.

I could feel the tears starting to well when he pulled away from me.

"Clary." He started. But I cut him off.

"If I lose you again,"

"You won't." His eyes snapped up to me. The sadness replaced by some fierce determination in a second.

"Please Jace. I know it wasn't your choice." I started to reason "And it's selfish and I was stupid to come here. And I haven't even been able to help you." I blurted, amazed at the utter truth of what I was saying. All this time had passed and I had accomplished nothing. Jace had broken this spell, or twisted plan all by himself. I had become completely useless, trying to ignore what was in front of me and pretend like I had the real Jace. I was the one who didn't deserve him. If the situation had been reversed: a sudden flash of Jace wild and raving mad bursting through doors filled my head. He would refuse to skip around Paris and ignore what was happening in front of him. If Jace was good at one thing, it was fighting, and he would have fought until he was lying on the floor unconscious to get me back.

Suddenly I was overwhelmed with shame. The sheets felt dirty underneath me. I slept on these sheets while Jace was struggling inside of his head.

"I can't do it." I said knowing I couldn't deny it anymore. There wasn't time to act strong anymore. I just wanted him back. " I can't sit by and watch that…that _poisonous_ person pretend to be you. I _can't _do it Jace." I was becoming hysterical. Tears spilled over my cheeks and I was breathing loudly. But the thought of him disappearing again was like a knife going in me.

"Clary, Clary." He stood up and lifted me up so I was on my knees and hugged me to him. My face was buried in his chest. Everything that had been building, all of the pain and worry I had felt over the last few months came rushing out like the gate had broken away and the ocean was rushing in. "Shh, shh. Clary I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His voice took a new edge. He hugged me tighter. We sat for a while holding each other afraid if we let go that we would lose each other.

Jace put his face to my cheek. "I'm sorry." His voice took on an edge of desperation. "Please forgive me?" He begged. He shook his head and refused to look at me. "I said before that I don't deserve you, and I never will,"

I opened my mouth to stop him but he kept going His eye full of that burning anger that startled me into silence, the last time I had seen that look Max had only died hours before. That look told me if reached out to touch him he might shatter into a million pieces. " I know you don't believe that but I will never be able to forgive myself for bringing you here." He stiffened. "To put you in danger like this, with _him_ here. I can't even believe it. I love you so much but I can't take that back, Clary."

"Jace stop, wait." I shook my head and tried to make sense of things. "Tell me what happened. I saw you in that library and it was like you were a different person. I wasn't you who brought me here."

"I was. I knew you were there in the library that day I could feel it. But it wasn't me Clary. I could feel you there but I couldn't do anything about it. I can't speak or move when that other person is…_me_. Clary, I _need_ you to understand. It's like someone else is controlling my body while I'm stuck inside my head getting tortured." He stopped to look at me. "It's like being possessed all over again. I can't… there's nothing I can do but sit back and watch it happen."


End file.
